Sally Bloodworth Innerst
Copyright 2002
The VACON was my very first SWC Convention. I had no idea of what to expect but me being me decided that no matter what I would just be.... me.
On commons the subject of a dress code for the banquet was addressed. Now you must understand that I am one of those High Maintenance Women (I think it is called vanity *whispering*). I looked into my closet to decide what dress to bring for the banquet and chose an ivory colored silk dress with a small blue design in it with a matching jacket. This was my choice over a black silk with rose design, cut in a vee neckline and showing cleavage. I did a dress rehearsal at home as we gals do. Yes, it was definitely the ivory with gold strap sandals on bare well pedicured feet (talking high gear vanity here as I wanted to look smashing for my first meeting with all these folks that i have been yacking with for 2 years).
Two days before the con, those dahmned dust bunnies ganged up on me! I wound up in ER with a dislocated right shoulder complete with chipped bones, bruised rib cage, elbow and right breast. A chip outa my right shin bone and bruised ankle and instep. I had Carolina coming from FL and Neal Mc coming from CA as house guests before and after the con too! Anyone in their right mind in the shape that I was in would have just canceled everything, but I knew that with all of the pain that I was in that I was not dead. And if I wasn't dead then I was going to that Con, arm in splint and all. I could not dress myself, nor brush my hair, nor do my make up but figured I would just work something out when I got there. So off we went on Friday morning 0 dark hundred hours. Neal, Carolina, Spence (my marine) and sleepless busted up me bound for Alexandria.
We arrived in time for the first workshop which was entitled Hearing Impairment and Sex. Why we were interested in this I have no idea as I have Hearing Impairment sewed up and can't think of any work that I need done on that avenue. So...me being me just kept making suppository remarks (or is that derogatory?) nah suppository better describes my remarks during this "workshop." The day went on..........the pain went on.
Now is time to dress for the banquet. OMG! OMG! My Marine has the patience of Job with me, he is the sweetest man I have ever known but by jolly if he wasn't put to the test!!! The entire right side of my body had swollen twice its size!! (I am trying to put this delicately here) Mother nature was extremely generous with me to begin with, but now I have one breast that is twice the size of the other!! My dress was all lopsided and stretched, the undergarment trying to cover my right bosom was barely covering the essentials and my shoe straps were biting into my foot. I was as pale as a ghost from pain and no sleep and not being blessed with "wash and wear" hair....it hung in strings!
Now this wonderful guy of mine can do just about anything, but Vidal Sasoon, he is not!! I went into a tizzy screaming...'I can't go looking like this! I just can't go!" So there he stood looking like right off the front page of Men's Wear Weekly, telling me how beautiful I was and just please try to calm down and he would mix me a drink. So I took 2 ibuprofen and sloshed it down with a stiff scotch or was that 1 ibuprofen and 2 scotch? and said well if I wear the jacket (it was 93 degrees) and try to smash my cyclops breast in with my arm splint, put a smile on my face, say "So What" maybe I could pull it off. We were late for the banquet but were happy to see that Neal and Carolina had saved us a seat at their table. I was greeted by C asking, "Where is my camera? and I bit her head off and flopped in my seat!! Poor Dorothy was seated next to me. She said not a word the entire dinner. Now Dorothy if you are reading this..being a farmer's daughter you know how testy those bovine can get with a swollen udder right? Dorothy? Are you smiling??? Please smile.....
Well, sittting there at table and thinking I had run the gambit in self sorrow, wounded pride and day spa withdrawal and thinking too that no matter how bad things are I can usually think of something to say, "Well aren't I lucky?" And finally it came to me!! Well aren't I lucky that I didn't bring the black dress with low cut front because if I had....by now everything would be hanging in the gravy!!! Now that's LUCKY!! LOL!
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