CarolynPiper
Copyright 2000
It has been a struggle to choose a book to discuss in this issue. In the past I have tried to pick books to talk about that were related to hearing loss; finding parallels in odd corners such as stuttering, a Buddhist centered theory for learning to want what we have- not to mention my all time favorite bull, by the name of Ferdinand.
I had given thought of talking about Viktor Frankl's classic"Man's Search For Meaning". But, in the midst of painting our bathroom a rich royal blue, writing in my head as I slapped on the new color, my mind kept turning back to a book I mentioned on my Christmas pick list.
Books are very personal things to me, and affect me very much as people do. Some I am happy to just nod at and forget immediately. Others set me to bouncing up and down in my chair in excitement and delight at being introduced to new ideas. Still others move me to tears, or laughter, again and again and again. Most precious however, is a book, such as the one I found myself thinking of that day -- books that immediately resonate in recognition deep within, all the while offering the opportunity to see life from a new perspective.
"Expecting Adam; A True Story of Birth, Rebirth and Everyday Magic by Martha Beck ( Hardcover, Times Books, February 1999 ISBN:0812929802. Paperback due in August 2000) is unique. Those of you who do not believe in odd happenings, or are not at least able to entertain the notion that unexplainable events may simply be the science which we do not yet understand, may want to stop reading right here. Those of you who enjoy having your beliefs and assumptions challenged, and see life as a kaleidoscope of sorts- capable of producing lights that you long to dance with and follow into new lands, all the while musing on the meaning of it all, stay put; this is a book for you.
"Expecting Adam" is, nominally, the story of the second pregnancy of a Harvard PH.D. candidate, who, along with her husband, is on the academic fast track. But in reality, the story told is much much more complex. So much more in fact that the author avoided publishing for quite a few years, fearing that to do so would bring ridicule upon herself and her family- notto mention men in white suits with large nets to her doorstep.
From the very first chapter when a large green parrot enters the living room of a woman the author is interviewing for her dissertation, you know you are, at the very least, in for an interesting read. As the interview proceeds the woman, parrot in hand, suddenly lapses into a trance and apparently, as the author looks on in frantic and unbelieving confusion, seems to channel a message from the author's 3 year old son Adam- who was at home at the time, and had as yet to utter an intelligible word.
I imagine now that not a few of you are busy reaching for the mouse pad to route yourself back to the table of contents. Stay a second. Take a chance on this tale. Follow along as Ms. Beck spins the story of her pregnancy with Adam and the changes that that pregnancy, followed by Adam's birth and presence, brought to her and her family.
The pregnancy itself was hell on earth. Nausea, and vomiting, dehydration, weakness and fainting dogged Ms. Beck as she fought to teach classes, finish her doctorate, care for a two year old daughter and keep herself upright on two feet while her husband commuted to Asia from Massachusetts as a consultant, all the while trying to write a dissertation of his own in economics. Even describing their schedule is tiring. I cannot imagine living it.
When the discovery is made that the child being carried has Down's Syndrome the burden becomes overwhelming. When word gets out about both the pregnancy, which the author sought to hide for as long as possible, parenting not being a priority in the higher reaches of academia, and the prenatal diagnosis, Harvard made it all the harder for both Becks- especially when they made the decision to continue the pregnancy. Instantly thereafter they were almost totally ostracized by both classmates and professors-not to mention doctors who ridiculed both their decision and intelligence.
Into this framework walks what the author came to call "everyday magic." Strange things- very strange things indeed, began to happen from almost the first moment the author even suspects that she might be pregnant. Within moments of becoming aware of this unplanned possibility, for example, she and her family are involved in a near-miss auto mishap, and find themselves face to face with a stranger of questionable mental ability. As he leaves after offering assistance he turns, and looking her in the eye, tells her, "Take care of the boy ma'am." What boy? she wonders, turning to look at her only child, a girl, safe in the back seat.
From there things, as Alice would say, get "curiouser and curiouser." Within weeks of confirming the pregnancy, too sick to make it to a grocery, stuck in her apartment with her 2 year old, her husband in Asia, Ms. Beck, in despair, mentally pictures what food she thinks she might be able to keep down. Suddenly Sybil, a casual friend, is at the front door with a bag of groceries which precisely matches Ms. Beck's wish list.
And on it goes, including most startlingly, an apartment house fire, which I will resist describing here for fear that you will both move that mouse, and send the white-coated men to pick me up in addition to the author.
Ultimately, the author and her husband, life-long believers in a rational, cut and dried science-driven world, find themselves face to face with an unavoidable question: what is reality? And following that, the even more important questions: "What is life all about, and what in our lives is really important?"
Not many people ever stop to ask those questions; let alone are willing to shift their thinking and lives to accommodate the answers. The Becks, like most of us, found change difficult to deal with. But as the curious events in their lives accelerated in both number and strangeness, they had no choice but to carefully scrutinize both themselves and the world that they live in. Slowly they struggled through mental and physical exhaustion, doubts as to their own sanity, as well as major questions regarding their relationship and marriage. Ms. Beck's description of a chocolate chip cookie dough fight which sends both dough and harsh words flying between the couple, and ends in an attempt to understand what is happening, is if nothing else a classic description of what real love is all about.
Throughout the wild roller coaster of a ride that this book offers, whether you belive or not, you are in the hands of a writer who can move you from laughter to tears, and back to laughter in the space of a short paragraph. As I turned the last page, I was left with a the feeling that miracles of all shapes and sizes, whatever they may be, following whatever rules they may, are indeed possible in this infinitely complex, fascinating and poorly understood universe we live in. And that despite troubles and tragedy, we are loved in ways we cannot even imagine.
I can only add here what our own Bill Derry wrote to me on finishing this book:
"What-a book-this-is!!!! It is a cornucopia of life! The lady writes with such incredible insight and humor, that I never wanted the book to end. I hope she writes more cause I am her fan for life."
Me too Bill, me too.
In the last few months I have heard from many of you. I want to thank you all for taking the time to write to share your love of books with me. Comments, suggestions and brief recommendations of other books- which I can in turn share in this space, are welcomed and very much appreciated.
Be as careful of the books you read, as of the
company you keep; for your habits and character will
be as much influenced by the former as by the latter.
Edwin Paxton Hood
1820-1885
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