I was asked to write something for this newsletter and I must admit I am not a writer. But over the past several years things have happened to me that I did not understand then, and still do not understand, but I have certainly learned from the experiences. For those of you who don't know me, I am 45 years old and have been profoundly deaf for about nine months. But let me start at the beginning·
About three years ago I went in for a routine chest x-rayand discovered that two of my heart valves were malfunctioning. So much so they had to be replaced immediately. Prior to the surgery, I suffered a bout of dizziness which was followed by hearing loss in my right ear. I went in for my open-heart surgery, had a difficult time, and finally woke up three days later! They said they should have known they were going to have trouble because I am a red head. (I thought those jokes were about blondes!! ) The day I was getting ready to go home, another routine x-ray showed one of the valves had sprung a leak and back we went for another round of open-heart surgery. They were prepared for me this time though and I made it through without a hitch! During my stay in the hospital, I watched all the people coming and going, and quickly realized I was one of the younger people on the floor and my recovery would not be so difficult.
During this period, my neighbor and friend, John, wasdiagnosed with esophageal cancer and had surgery. We laughed andtalked about comparing scars and all that kind of stuff! He was my age with two young sons (11 and 4). I was worried about myself, but when I compared my problems with his, I felt that I was the luckier one.
During my recovery period, I lost the remainder of hearing in my right ear. The doctors blamed it on a mild stroke that I had prior to surgery. I quickly learned to use the other ear for the telephone and sleeping (to block out my husband's snores!). Finally, I felt like my old self again! After about a year and a half of not feeling well, things were starting to look up!
In November of 1998, I left work and started feeling dizzy. Two days later I noticed I was having trouble hearing, and went to the ENT who immediately put me on everyone's favorite drug, Prednisone, along with an old chemotherapy drug Cytoxin. Within two weeks, my hearing was almost completely gone. I could only hear extremely loud, high pitched noises and those only with the assistance of a hearing aid. I was getting really depressed and feeling sorry for myself when my friend John, who had been battling cancer for almost two years, gave up and passed away.
As my husband and I stood in line at the funeral home to pay our respects, everyone was talking and, of course, I could not hear anything. At that time I could not read lips at all. I started thinking how bad I felt, but then thought about John and what his family was going through. At least I was still here, able to walk and talk and see. Maybe I couldn't hear, but there are far worse things inlife. Suddenly it all came into perspective for me. I could either let this "impairment" defeat me or I could fight back. I decided to fight with everything I had and even developed my own personal motto: "Oh well, could be worse." In fact, this is the first phrase I learned to sign!!
I try to always focus on the positive side of my hearing loss. Because of the dizziness, I was not (and still am not) able to drive. So, I had to leave a job I truly loved. But, I was able to spend the remainder of the school year home with my son for the first time in his entire school career. He was a senior this year and I was able to fix breakfast for him and be there when he came home from school. I was also able to spend the summer with him before he left for college, a time I would not trade for the world. I am learning a second language (ASL) and enjoying it. I am in the process of training my dog to be a hearing dog and we are really having fun with this. I have made so many new friends and discovered how deep my relationships with my old friends are. My mom, mamaw, sister and her family, as always, were right beside me throughout everything and my love for them only grew. But, most importantly, my relationship with my husband has grown so much. Having to depend on him for just about everything, was a challenge at first, but we have worked through the problem areas and are now having more fun together than we ever have.
When I first lost my hearing a very dear friend of mine told me that, "When God closes the door, He always opens a window." I feel terribly chilly now because it's about 45 degrees here and God has opened every window in my house! All I have to do is look out and see how lucky I am!!
[Note from Editor: This is a response to a post by another SWCer who bemoaned the fact she could not celebrate Thanksgiving with her mother who died three years ago, and expressed anger with a coworker who had complained of a 3-hour drive to have Thanksgiving with her mother.]
Hi _____,
No you are wrong. The place where your Mom is is right beside you!! Believe me. Mom died five years ago and she was the center of all of us. Now, we simply do things the way Mom always did and her name is mentioned freely and we tell many jokes that happened when she was with us. There are many things that start with, "If Mom was here, etc." We relive the old times and the memories and it is as if she is right there at the head of the table giving us all a hard time over the little things! I love it.
The first year was really bad but we decided it had to be continued and we came up with this way of getting through the holidays and surviving. It has been a good way for my family.
Mom had a thing about anyone having a cap on at the table. Boy, she would walk over and jerk the hat off and tell the guys that at HER table we are gentlemen. Invariably, one of the guys leaves a hat on at the table so we can make him take it off. Just the little things that bring back such good memories of Mom and family. Whenyou get to the age of ours we lose a few family members in body. They are there in spirit with us. It is something we have passed down to the children and they know all the stories by heart.
Well, this is long and foolish but just remember we are with you in spirit. Have a good holiday, I am going to my sister's and there will be just a few to begin with because we have encouraged our childrento go to the in-laws house for dinner on holidays and then just drop in whenever they get time later. They always hunt us down!! We, meaning my two sisters and I and my brother-in-law, will have the traditional Thanksgiving dinner and we are cooking for fifty even though we are only five. As the evening wears on the others come in and the food disappears.
Love and hugs and give your Dad a good long hug for me. I lost my dad when I was 12 but did have my mom for 89 long years and that was fantastic. She is still with me when I cook and use her recipe for something, or when I say something that she always said, or just look in the mirror and see her in my face. Yes, she is with me all thetime.