Terrible and Wonderful
by Michele Linder
'Terrible' and 'Wonderful' seem to be an outright contradiction in terms. Looking at those two, simple words, absent of context, they appear opposite of one another. You might even think they could not, and would not, be applied in description of the same event, though I know, if you think about it, you will be able to come up with a scenario that could appropriately be described as terrible and wonderful.
One of the best things about living on the coast of Georgia: "I stood barefoot in the sand and watched as the offshore storm approached in the distance. I could feel the charge in the air as each clap of thunder announced the mind-jolting bolts of lightning that would follow. The intensifying waves lapped at my feet as they sought refuge, reaching with their watery fingers, desperate to gain leverage enough to overpower the sea's grip on their ankles; then sighing in defeat as she pulled them away again and again, back into the churning surf.
The storm on the horizon came nearer as the dark clouds boiled with fury . I watched the whole of the storm, thankful for my vantage point from the beach and the relative safety the distance provided. It is an awesome thing to see that which is monstrous in proportion approaching in it's entirety. As a distant onlooker, I was able to view the full ferocity of the storm, yet spared the full extent of her violence due to the miles between us. It was from that perspective I came to appreciate what a terrible and wonderful creation a thunderstorm approaching from the Atlantic is."
Recently, I was reminded of the contradictory nature of those things in life that can be described as both terrible and wonderful. However, in this instance the context is vastly different from a mere description of an approaching thunderstorm. I received an email from a friend who had just lost his Love after a long marriage and a lengthy battle with a debilitating disease. His words touched my heart as he advised me and my husband to do the things we want to do now, not waiting for someday, as tomorrow holds no guarantees. My response prompted further correspondence and in another email, my friend said simply, "We were never closer than in that terrible last year of her life." With those few words my heart broke as I imagined the beauty and the anguish of living out the last months, weeks, days, and moments of a life spent together, and both of those imaginings brought tears to my eyes. I was struck by how life often hands us an experience intensely wonderful, brought about only by circumstances intensely terrible. In response I wrote, " It would seem that what is most terrible could not also be what is most precious. What a terrible and wonderful year it must have been for you both."
Perhaps it was intended for me to think more on the "terrible and wonderful" theme, as the very next day my husband gave me the book "The Shack" to read, saying he thought I would enjoy it. I put the book aside, as I was in the middle of reading two other books, but just a short time later a fellow SWC list member wrote asking if anyone had read "The Shack", recounting an amazing coincidence they had had in relation to the book. I decided to listen to the voice in my head that was persistently prompting me to read the book, so I began reading in late afternoon and continued into the evening.
Three quarters of the way into "The Shack" I met Sophia, described as "...a personification of God's wisdom." She is further described as being, "...like in Proverbs, where wisdom is pictured as a woman calling out in the streets, trying to find anyone who'll listen to her.", and during further discussion of Sophia, by two other characters in the book, it is said "It was terrible and it was wonderful, my time with Sophia." As I read that sentence I caught my breath and felt a rush of warmth at having written a similar sentiment to my grieving friend just the day before. Thus, began a reflection on those things in my own life that are both terrible and wonderful.
Certainly, losing my hearing could be described this way, as losing the ability to hear is quite terrible, but I do consider myself fortunate in that I lost my hearing gradually, from a very young age. I also feel fortunate that I learned to cope with that loss in the same gradual manner my hearing left me, leaving me to discover some wonderful skills I would not otherwise possess. I have written of those skills and of other wonderful things that came about because of my hearing loss, though I am quite sure someone who is new to the terrible loss of their hearing cannot even imagine how anything wonderful might come of it?
I have heard many testimonials from women diagnosed with breast cancer, and would venture to say not one of them wonders at the moment the diagnosis comes, "What is wonderful about this?" However, most will tell you that while they would not have initially wished on themselves having cancer, if they could go back and change things, they wouldn't change anything because of what they learned from the experience, all they gained from it that was wonderful. And so maybe that is the key, surviving? Moving past what is terrible, learning to work through it, and finding that it is something we can survive. And if we are very fortunate we might, and most probably will, even learn things along the way that can someday be considered wonderful.
I have to think we all can claim wonderful things that have come about as the result of something terrible in our lives, or in the life of someone we are close to. As members of SWC we all are touched by hearing loss or deafness, and are aware of the terrible aspects in relation to not hearing, and yet most members have written about something wonderful that has come about because of their experiences with hearing loss or deafness. And for those experiencing what is terrible without the benefit of yet realizing those things that can come about that are wonderful, I wish you the strength. For me, SWC has been a wonderful source of the strength and support I need in those times when all I seem to be able to focus on is the terrible aspects of not hearing. Losing my hearing has been a terrible and wonderful experience. SWC is a part of that which is wonderful.