In my many years of experience as a counselor and as an individual with hearing  loss, the word coping has become somewhat corrupt. It's a word used by counselors that focuses on acceptance of being less than a person might choose to be. By that definition, to cope, means never winning the full right to ignore a disability and looking for ways to use the disability as a positive factor in one's life.  What I see, is a word that implies an end of the road. 

When one therapist speaks to another about a patient, they may say, "He/she is “coping well," as if that means, the patient has reached the end of their therapy or expectation. It doesn't often mean they are past the first step and ready to move on to the next step, the bigger step of getting the person back into the hearing world and enjoying all the finer things in life as hearing people do. I believe that as time passes the hearing impaired individual who is in a “good coping” stage, may see they have a decrease in self motivation to get out and make sure they are getting everything that life offers.

If I go to the doctor, a movie or church, and my family has to tell me what is going on, I could say I'm coping with my deafness, when in truth, I'm becoming more dependent and less adjusted to living in a hearing world.  When I was hearing impaired even I was set when I was in the "good coping" stage.  What woke me up was going deaf!  I realized then that my behaviors had started to change and that without more knowledge, skills and fortitude, I was going to go into a major depression and would alienate myself from everyone.  That is when I discovered that my coping skills were not perceived as a positive thing, but rather garnered a "poor her" response from hearing people.

After I became deaf, it took me about six weeks before I decided that I needed to set up my own life plan.  I needed to find a peer and work through my feelings. I knew from my years working with people with disabilities, that many counselors do not really understand anger as a normal human behavior.  I didn't choose to "treat that anger" like a pathology.    I chose to use the energy that anger forms to move forward!   My disability plan focused on finding a way to channel my anger and energy in a positive way. I started by building files of information, connections, networks and possible areas of need where I could be of use. I strongly recommend everyone do the same. I decided I needed input from others with hearing loss as well as those with normal hearing. What happened next was that doors began to open and it became clear that my life plan was to be in advocacy and education.

I believe it is critical that we find what we are good at and find an area where our hearing loss is not a handicap because we are effectively using hearing loss methods that work and give us full function.  Finding people who want to do more than "cope" but lead the way, will result in laws being changed to get better access in all places. I am not saying this is an easy task, as few people can look past coping and move forward to a place where they are living so successfully with a hearing loss that they forget that they have one.

I believe the day will come as long as we have therapists who seek out role models and help people believe it is possible.   Role models who use technology, laws and creative methods to demonstrate that the deaf/hearing impaired persons can participate in the mainstream hearing world.   Therapists need to show people how to open the doors to opportunities to take part in everything hearing people take part in.

A lot of people are searching for ways to move past coping. I believe many people lack the energy and motivation it takes to make changes happen when they've been coping for a long time. I wish more professionals knew the difference and were more concerned with our enjoying life and having a  peaceful spirit. My personal goal is to keep folks from wasting precious  time continuously coping and instead suggest they focus more on excelling and enjoying this big, wonderful world.
 
Some thoughts I have on "coping" and how it affects a person with a hearing loss:

 a) People with hearing loss are not poor, helpless, needy folks.  The term coping tends to give hearing people the impression that they are.   Using that word tends to label people and weaken their confidence.  I believe we should view people with hearing loss as "normal functioning people who just happen to have a hearing loss."

 b) Coping is not a subway stop on a trip to rehabilitation. I think too many people get off the train and never really go further to discover full functioning with a hearing loss. Many people are stuck at the ”coping” stop. I hope more of people will bypass that stop, so they can move toward the real goal of full participation in life as a person who just happens to have a hearing loss.
 
c) Most healthy late deafened people would benefit being sent to an experienced therapist who does more than talk the talk but has walked the walk.  The experience therapist needs to help them develop skills but avoid speaking about coping as a solution and focus on helping the client find the way to go forth to find the pot of gold.  I was blessed in that my first counselor was a born-deaf therapist who knew which train to get on and which stations to avoid.
 
d) My hope for people with hearing loss is that the day will come when  the word COPE is not part of the words that are used to describe their life.
 
You might be asking yourself, where is this woman coming from when  she speaks of not thinking in terms of coping but adjusting and moving  forward?  I think if you read about my hero you'll understand why I feel the way I do and have some new insight into what having a disability is really all about. 

My hero, Justin W. Dart, Jr. said:

 “My experience has convinced me that 35-50 million Americans with disabilities will never achieve their full legitimate goals until we can communicate into the consciousness, the law, and the daily life of this nation the self-evident truth that disability is a universally common characteristic of the normal human condition.   That people with disabilities have the same inalienable rights and the same inalienable responsibilities as other people.  Establishing these rights will require not only massive campaigns of education and advocacy, but also strong leadership by government, including the enactment and enforcement of federal, state, and local legislation extending full civil rights coverage to all people with disabilities.” 
http://www.medaloffreedom.com/JustinDartJr.htm