© 2007

The Heart and Soul Behind the Treo

by Dawn Cirrito

*Note: This article is printed in caps. If you prefer to read the article in regular case letters, please click here.

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THE RAYS OF GOLDEN SOUTH CAROLINA SUN SHONE THROUGH THE SKIES, AND A RADIANT LIGHT LIT THE ROOM WHERE I MADE MY APPEARANCE. I WEIGHED A MERE ONE AND A HALF POUNDS AND WAS ONLY ELEVEN INCHES LONG. I WAS A SMALL, TRANSLUCENT, FRAGILE BUNDLE OF JOY. MY GRANDMOTHER TOLD ME THAT I WAS WHISKED AWAY QUICKLY AND TAKEN TO A SPECIAL HOSPITAL. I WAS GIVEN MY LAST RITES, AND MY NAME WAS CHOSEN. MY FATHER DECIDED THAT I SHOULD BE NAMED DAWN FOR THE Dawns EARLY LIGHT IN WHICH I HAD ARRIVED, AND AMBER FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

I REMAINED IN THE INTENSIVE CARE UNIT FOR A YEAR AS I STRUGGLED TO SURVIVE, OVERCOMING MANY CHALLENGES ALONG THE WAY. MY PARENTS WERE IN THE MILITARY, AND HAD MOVED ON. THEIR NEXT DUTY STATION DID NOT HAVE A FACILITY TO CARE FOR ME, SO I STAYED AND WAS CARED FOR BY THE HOSPITAL STAFF AND MY GRANDMOTHER.

I SUFFERED FROM SEVERAL HEART CONDITIONS, AND WAS ON A BREATHING MACHINE. I HAD ALSO CONTRACTED MENINGITIS AND SUFFERED FROM HYDROCEPHALUS AND ASTHMA. I WAS FED MY FORMULA THROUGH A FEEDING TUBE. THE HOLE IN MY HEART WAS CORRECTED AT THIRTY DAYS OLD, AND I WAS TOLD I WAS GIVEN PHYSICAL THERAPY WHEN I WAS EIGHT MONTHS OLD TO LEARN TO SIT AND HOLD MY HEAD UP. MY GRANDMOTHER SAID I LEARNED TO WALK AT AGE TWO AND A HALF

I WAS FINALLY RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL WHEN I WAS A YEAR AND TWO MONTHS OLD. I WAS TOLD BY MY GRANDMOTHER THAT I WAS NOT CRAWLING OR TALKING YET, AND WAS VERY FRAGILE. IT WASN’T UNTIL I WAS THREE THAT I SEEMED TO CATCH UP, BUT I REMAINED SMALLER THAN THOSE MY AGE UNTIL I WAS EIGHTEEN.

IT WAS AROUND AGE FOUR THAT I BEGAN TO THAT IN SOME WAYS I WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER CHILDREN. I HAD NOT DEVELOPED SPEECH WELL, AND STUTTERED. I HAD DEVELOPED A LOVE FOR BOOKS AND PUZZLES AND NUMBERS. I SAT FOR HOURS LOOKING AT PICTURE BOOKS AND PICTURE PUZZLE BOOKS, AND OFTEN ASKED TO BE TAKEN TO BOOK STORES AND SCIENCE STORES.

IT WAS ALSO AT AGE FOUR THAT, AFTER BEING TESTED BY DOCTORS, MY PARENTS WERE TOLD I WOULD DEVELOP MY SOCIAL SKILLS AND ADDITION SKILLS IF I WERE EXPOSED TO MORE CHILDREN. THE SOUNDS I COULD HEAR WERE VERY DULL SOUNDING. I COULD SEE MOUTHS MOVE, BUT DIDN’T REALIZE THAT SOMETHING WAS SUPPOSED TO COME FROM THOSE MOUTHS. I WAS ABSORBED BY MY READING AND SCIENCE AND MATH.

I EXCELLED IN KINDERGARTEN, AND WAS FAR BEYOND THE OTHER KIDS IN MY CLASS. I ALREADY KNEW HOW TO WRITE MY NAME AND MY LETTERS. ABOUT THAT TIME I NOTICED THAT I WAS VERY DIFFERENT BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY FROM MY CLASSMATES. I REMEMBER SITTING IN CIRCLES IN THE CLASS ABSORBED BY LOOKING AT THE TEACHER, AND NOT YET COMPREHENDING WHAT HER MOUTH WAS SAYING. I LEANED FORWARD MORE, BUT YET I JUST DIDN’T “GET IT.”

IT WAS NOT UNTIL I ENTERED FIRST GRADE AT AGE FIVE AT THE MILITARY BASE MY FAMILY WAS STATIONED AT THAT THEY FINALLY FOUND OUT THAT I WAS HARD OF HEARING. ALTHOUGH I EXCELLED IN SCHOOL ON PAPER, I WAS NOT EXCELLING VERBALLY, ACCORDING TO MY GRANDMOTHER. I KNEW MY LETTERS, AND COULD ARRANGE THEM IN CORRECT ORDER. I KNEW THE NAMES OF COMMON EVERYDAY THINGS, YET NEVER SPOKE OF THEM.

THE SCHOOL I WAS ATTENDING HAD ITS MONTHLY AIR RAID DRILL. WE WERE ALL ON THE PLAYGROUND, AND I WAS AT MY USUAL SPOT UNDER A TREE, DEVOURING A BOOK. THE NEXT THING I KNEW THERE WAS A TEACHER STANDING AT MY FOLDED KNEES, PEERING DOWN AT ME. SHE HAD AN ANGRY LOOK ON HER FACE, AND I WAS DRAGGED BACK TO THE SCHOOL BY MY EAR TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. MY DAD WAS CALLED, AND I SAT THERE IN TEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I HAD DONE THAT REQUIRED MY DAD TO BE CALLED AWAY FROM HIS PLATOON. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO GET IT!

IT WAS AT AGE FIVE DURING MY FIRST VISIT TO THE EAR DOCTOR THAT I WAS SHOWN A SMALL SEALED BOX WITH LOTS OF NEAT ANIMATED ANIMALS AND FLASHING LIGHTS. AFTER WHAT SEEMED AN ETERNITY MY PARENTS WERE TOLD I WAS HEARING IMPAIRED AND I WAS REFERRED TO THE JOHN TRACY CLINIC. IT WAS LOCATED IN A HOSPITAL NEAR THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. I WOULD ATTEND THERE THREE TIMES A WEEK FOR SIX YEARS OFF AND ON WHEN I LIVED WITH MY GRANDMOTHER.

FIVE MONTHS LATER, AFTER HEARING TESTING, I WAS FITTED WITH THE DEVICE THAT I CALLED MY RADIO. IT HAD WIRES THAT WERE TAPED TO MY BACK, AND THE BOX WAS STRAPPED TO MY FRONT. THE MOMENT THIS THING WAS TURNED ON I HEARD LOUD, SCREECHING, INAUDIBLE, UNFAMILIAR THINGS. FROM THAT MOMENT ON I DISLIKED THIS BOX, AND WOULD PULL IT OUT. THIS RESULTED IN MY PARENTS DISCIPLINING ME, OR TAPING THE MOLDS TO MY EARS. I STARTED ATTENDING SPEECH CLASSES AT JOHN TRACY BECAUSE MY GRANDMOTHER WANTED ME TO LEARN TO TALK, AND THE SCHOOL TAUGHT JUST THAT

NOW I MUST ADMIT I WAS A SAD-LOOKING THING FOR A FIRST GRADER. I WAS SKINNY, SMALL, WORE GLASSES, AND NOW HAD A RADIO ATTACHED TO ME. EVERYONE MUST HAVE THOUGHT I WAS SOMETHING FROM THE WORLD OF ALIENS! I FOUND MYSELF TEASED, PUSHED, KICKED AND MADE FUN OF. I WAS LAUGHED AT OR IGNORED. WHAT WAS AMAZING FROM THIS TENDER AGE IS THE FACT THAT I DIDN’T MIND THE LONELINESS. I LOST MYSELF IN BOOKS, WHICH NOW HAD BECOME MY SOLACE. I ADAPTED TO FEELING THINGS AROUND ME. EVERY MOVEMENT HAD A SOUND—OH, NOT A PHYSICAL SOUND, THAT WAS JUST JUMBLED GARBAGE TO ME—BUT MUSIC TO MY HANDS AND SENSES.

IT WAS AT JOHN TRACY CLINIC THAT I LEARNED TO ADAPT TO WHAT I WAS FEELING WITH MY HANDS AND BODY, AND THAT IT COULD INDEED BECOME AN IDENTIFIABLE SOUND TO MY EARS. THEY USED BALLOONS TO SIMULATE SOUND. I USED SANDPAPER, WRITING WITH MY FINGERS TO FEEL THINGS, AND LEARNED TO PLACE MY HAND UPON MY VOCAL CORDS TO HELP ME FEEL THE SOUND OF A WORD WHEN MY VOCAL CORDS VIBRATED. I SLOWLY GAINED CONFIDENCE, BUT STILL HATED THE BOX. IT CONTINUED TO BE A SOURCE OF LOUDNESS AND DREW THE TAUNTING FROM THOSE AROUND ME.

THE THERAPY PEOPLE WOULD WORK WITH ME ON VOCAL CORD TRAINING BY PLACING MY HAND ON MY THROAT AND SAYING DIFFERENT WORDS AT DIFFERENT LEVELS AND DIFFERENT WAYS. TO ME IT ALL SOUNDED THE SAME—LIKE LIVING IN A BOTTLE UNDER THE SEA—MUFFLED AND DRAWN.

I STARTED TALKING FULLY AT ABOUT AGE SIX AS I RECALL. I ALWAYS HAD SOME SPEECH, BUT STUTTERED, AND WASN’T UNDERSTOOD. I DIDN’T LIKE WHAT I FELT LIKE INSIDE WHEN I TALKED, SO I JUST DIDN’T TALK.

AT AGE SIX AND A HALF I ENTERED THE SECOND GRADE. I WAS DEVOURING SCIENCE BOOKS, AND HAD BEGUN TO READ AUTHORS SUCH AS ALEXANDER SOLZENITZEN, KHALIL GIBRAN, PHILOSOPHY BOOKS, MEDICAL REFERENCES AND THE DICTIONARY. EACH ONE BROUGHT A NEW ADVENTURE TO ME, AND ALTHOUGH I COULD NOT PRONOUNCE OR SAY THESE WORDS, I KNEW THEM BY SIGHT AND DEFINITION. I ALSO HAD BEEN INTRODUCED TO MUSIC BY MY SPEECH PATHOLOGIST. AS I BECAME MORE CONFIDENT MY STUTTERING, ALTHOUGH STILL THERE, BECAME LESS. THEY BEGAN WORKING ON TEACHING ME TO TALK, AND HOW TO PRONOUNCE WORDS CORRECTLY. THIS INTRIGUED ME, YET I STILL PREFERRED NOT TO WEAR MY BOX AIDS.

I BEGAN SECOND GRADE AND WAS PLACED IN A SPECIAL CLASS BECAUSE MY PARENTS WERE TOLD BY THE DOCTOR THAT I WOULD DO BETTER BEING IN A SMALLER CLASS OF KIDS. I REMEMBER WALKING INTO THAT CLASS AND RIGHT AWAY I KNEW THAT I ONCE AGAIN WAS DIFFERENT THAN THOSE OTHER KIDS. I WATCHED FROM MY SILENT WORLD, HURTING FROM INSIDE, KNOWING THAT ONCE AGAIN I WAS NOT UNDERSTOOD. I QUICKLY ADVANCED THROUGH SECOND GRADE, AND HALFWAY THROUGH I WAS PLACED INTO THIRD GRADE.

FOURTH GRADE BECAME MY FIRST REAL YEAR THAT I SEEMED TO DRAW MORE RIDICULE THAN IN PREVIOUS YEARS. I REMEMBER SUMMING THIS UP TO ADVICE MY GRANDMOTHER HAD GIVEN ME THAT MANY KIDS ARE JEALOUS AND HURTFUL TO THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND. SHE TOLD ME THAT MAYBE I SHOULD BEFRIEND THEM AND TEACH THEM THAT I WAS NOT ANY DIFFERENT FROM THEM, BUT I FOUND MAKING FRIENDS MOST DIFFICULT BECAUSE

OF MY SPEECH AND HEARING. I OFTEN JUST SHIED AWAY AND I GREW MORE INTO BOOKS, AND STARTED MAKING THINGS WITH MY HANDS. I BEGAN TO WONDER, TOO, HOW MY EARS WORKED, AND WHAT MADE MY “RADIO” WORK.

BY FIFTH GRADE I WAS MUCH YOUNGER THAN THOSE AROUND ME AND STILL VERY MUCH SMALLER IN STATURE. I WAS ADAPTING TO MY WORLD, AS I FELT IT AND SAW IT, HOWEVER. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT I FIRST EXPERIENCED A SPINNING ATTACK WHILE I WAS IN A TREE HOUSE. THE DOCTORS COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS THE MATTER, AND TOLD MY PARENTS THAT IT WAS ME, AND NOTHING WAS FOUND.

I CONTINUED TO SUFFER THESE SPINNING ATTACKS ABOUT ONCE A MONTH AND MUCH TO MY SURPRISE I COULD NO LONGER WATCH A PERSON SWING, OR A CAR ROLLING BY WHILE I WAS SITTING. I COULD NOT EXPERIENCE THE MERRY GO ROUND ANY MORE, EITHER.

MY LIFE TOOK A SUDDEN AND TRAUMATIC TURN WHEN I WAS ELEVEN. I BEGAN TO FEEL WEAK AND HAD NO APPETITE. I COULDN’T COMPLETE GYM CLASS, WHICH HAD BECOME MY FAVORITE CLASS, ALONG WITH SCIENCE. I OFTEN FELL ASLEEP IN CLASS AND AT FIRST MY DOCTORS TOLD MY PARENTS IT WAS DUE TO ME BEING BORED WITH MY CLASSES, AND NOT CHALLENGED. I WAS PLACED IN A HIGHER GRADE, BUT NOTHING CHANGED. I REMEMBER SPENDING THE WEEKEND WITH MY GRANDMOTHER AND TELLING HER I FELT HORRIBLE. SHE TOOK ME TO A HOSPITAL. I WAS RUNNING A HIGH FEVER, MY JOINTS SWELLED, AND I COULDN’T BREATHE.

I HAD MANY TESTS THAT WERE DIFFICULT, NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THEM BEING PAINFUL, BUT BECAUSE I COULD NOT HEAR ANYTHING. I REMEMBER THIS DAY SO CLEARLY BECAUSE THE DOCTOR TOOK MY GRANDMOTHER OUTSIDE MY ROOM AND TOLD HER THE NEWS. I HAD GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD AT LIP READING, AND I KNEW THIS WASN’T GOOD. MY GRANDMOTHER WAS MY PILLAR, AND NEVER CRIED. IT WAS THEN I WAS TOLD I SUFFERED FROM LEUKEMIA, AND WAS IN AN ACUTE STAGE. I WAS PLACED ON CHEMOTHERAPY AND MANY MONTHS OF GRUELING AGONY, HAIR LOSS, ISOLATION AND UNCERTAINTY.

MY GRANDMOTHER NEVER LEFT MY SIDE. IT WAS DURING THIS TIME THAT I LEARNED THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO HAD HURT ME IN MY LIFE DIDN’T MATTER, THAT WHAT FORMED ME TO BE THE PERSON I WOULD WANT TO BECOME WAS NEEDING TO BE DONE NOW. I LEARNED THAT IF I WAS TO SURVIVE I HAD TO REDEFINE MY THINKING AND BELIEFS, AND NO MATTER WHAT, TO SEE GOOD IN EVERYONE. I ALSO BEGAN TO READ THE BIBLE AND DEVELOPED A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD AND MY INNER SPIRIT. IT WAS WITH THE SILENCE AND THE ABILITY TO FEEL MUSIC WITH THE HEADPHONES TO THE BACK OF MY EARS AND LOOKING AT THE LYRICS THAT I KNEW MY MIND, BODY AND SOUL WERE

BEING RENEWED. EVEN AT THIS AGE I KNEW I WOULD DO SOMETHING GOOD IN MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE.

AFTER A YEAR AND A HALF I HAD RECOVERED ENOUGH THAT I STARTED PLAYING BASKETBALL, RUNNING TRACK, AND PLAYING VOLLEYBALL. I DISCOVERED THAT SPORTS DIDN’T REQUIRE HEARING, AND I FOUND MYSELF ABSORBED. I WAS BORED WITH SCHOOL, BUT YEARNED FOR BOOKS AND LEARNING.

AT THE AGE OF THIRTEEN I STOPPED MY SESSIONS AT JOHN TRACY CLINIC. BY THIS TIME I HAD LEARNED ALL I COULD, ALTHOUGH MY “RADIO” STILL BROUGHT SOUNDS I COULDN’T COMPREHEND. I HAD ADJUSTED BETTER, BUT WAS NOT TALKING EXCEPT IF I WAS BEING TALKED TO.

IN JUNIOR HIGH I FOUND A PSYCHOLOGY TEACHER THAT I BEFRIENDED, AND WE HAD MANY DEBATES. I ALSO BECAME FRIENDS WITH MY SCIENCE TEACHER, AND THAT IS WHAT MADE GETTING THROUGH THE SCHOOL YEAR SO MUCH EASIER. I AM GOING TO MAKE IT, I THOUGHT.

THEN ONE WEEK I FELT POORLY, AND BY THE WEEKEND I WAS ONCE AGAIN HIT WITH SEVERE FATIGUE, A FEVER, AND NO APPETITE. I COULDN’T RUN, PLAY SPORTS, OR ATTEND CLASSES. MY GRANDMOTHER TOOK ME BACK TO THE HOSPITAL, AND ONCE AGAIN I WAS TRANSFERRED TO ST. JUDE, WHERE THEY FOUND MY LEUKEMIA HAD PROGRESSED OUT OF REMISSION. THIS TIME WAS WORSE THAN THE PREVIOUS TIME, AND I WAS ONLY FOURTEEN. HOW COULD THIS BE HAPPENING? THIS TIME AROUND THEY TOLD MY FAMILY I WOULD NEED CHEMO TO ERADICATE MY SYSTEM, AND THAT I WOULD HAVE TO WAIT FOR A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT. I SUFFERED FROM VARIOUS ISSUES FROM HEART FAILURE DUE TO REACTIONS FROM THE CHEMO AND AN INFECTION. NO DONOR HAD BEEN FOUND AFTER TWO MONTHS, AND THEY BEGAN THE SEARCH WITHIN MY FAMILY FOR A BONE MARROW DONOR. IT WAS FOUND IN MY GRANDMOTHER.

I RECEIVED HER MARROW, AND WE BECAME MORE THAN JUST GRANDMOTHER AND GRANDDAUGHTER. SHE WAS MY INSPIRATION, MY PILLAR OF STRENGTH. SHE WAS SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTOOD ME FOR MY FAULTS AND FAILURES, AND YET LOVED ME FOR WHO I WAS NOT WHAT I WAS. SHE SAW BEYOND MY PHYSICAL DISABILITIES TO SEE THAT I WAS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER KID.

I SKATED THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND RECEIVED ACADEMIC AND ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIPS TO SEVERAL COLLEGES. THIS WAS COMPLICATED BY THE FACT THAT I WAS SIXTEEN, AND IT WOULD REQUIRE THAT I HAVE AN ADULT SUPERVISION ON CAMPUS. I CHOSE TO WAIVE MY FIRST YEAR AND ATTENDED A VOCATIONAL COLLEGE IN FIRE FIGHTING AND PARAMEDIC COLLEGE ON THE ISLAND OF OAHU WHERE I WAS LIVING. UPON GRADUATION I WORKED AS A FIREFIGHTER AND PARAMEDIC, WITH SEVERE RESTRICTION DUE TO BEING HEARING IMPAIRED. MOST OF THE PHYSICAL ASSESSMENT WAS DONE BY MY PARTNER.

I HAD GRADUATED AT THE TOP OF THE CLASS, AND HAD PETITIONED FOR A POSITION AND LICENSE. I WON! I WAS NOT GOING TO LET MY HEARING IMPAIRMENT TAKE THAT AWAY. I NOW HAD BETTER AIDS AND BETTER TECHNOLOGY. I HAD ADAPTED. I SAW MORE WITH MY HANDS AND EYES AND HEART THAT ANYONE ELSE SAW WITH THEIRS. THIS LASTED FOR SIX MONTHS BEFORE MY HEARING DECREASED AND MY SPINNING ATTACKS INCREASED. I HAD TO LEAVE THE DEPARTMENT.

I THEN ATTENDED A YEARLONG NURSING PROGRAM AND CHALLENGED THE BOARD, BECAUSE I HAD ALREADY RECEIVED MUCH OF THE TRAINING. I PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS, AND RECEIVED MY Masters DEGREE IN NURSING AT THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN AND A HALF. I BEGAN WORK AT THE LOCAL COMMUNITY HOSPITAL. THEY SEEMED TO ADAPT SOMEWHAT TO MY HEARING IMPAIRMENT, BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE THOSE WHO DO NOT. I KEPT TO MYSELF, AND ABSORBED MY ENERGY FROM TAKING CARE OF MY PATIENTS. I GAVE THEM TOP NOTCH CARE AND A LOVING HAND AND HEART. THEY GAVE TO ME WHAT I GAVE TO THEM — UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

THEN THE NEXT WONDERFUL STEP OCCURRED IN MY LIFE, I MET MY SOUL MATE, FRIEND LOVER AND CONFIDANTE, MY HUSBAND VINCE BEGAN SENDING ME FLOWERS EACH FRIDAY WITH AN ATTACHED NOTE THAT SAID “TGIF”. HE FELT THIS WAY I WOULD KNOW HE WANTED TO GO OUT WITH ME. ABOUT THE FOURTH WEEK I AGREED TO A SOFTBALL GAME AND DINNER. WE FOUND WE HAD MANY THINGS IN COMMON, MAINLY OUR LOVE FOR SPORTS. WE BOTH PLAYED IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT SOFTBALL LEAGUES AND FOUND OURSELVES SPENDING SEVERAL DAYS OF THE WEEK TOGETHER.

AFTER DATING FOUR MONTHS WE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED, AND SET THE DATE FOR JUNE OF 1980. MY MOST MEMORABLE TIME WAS WHEN I GOT TO TELL MY GRANDMOTHER THAT WE HAD SET A DATE AND SHE AND MY GRANDFATHER COULD COME TO THE WEDDING. WE BEGAN OUR PLANS BY TELLING MY DAD THAT VERY NIGHT OVER DINNER. HE WAS HAPPY FOR US, AND HAPPY THAT I HAD CHOSEN A MARINE FOR A HUSBAND. WE HAD ONLY ONE OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME, AND THAT WAS THAT I HAD TO GET WRITTEN PERMISSION TO MARRY, AS HAWAII’S LAWS STATED THAT I HAD TO BE 21 TO GET MARRIED, AND I WAS JUST 19 ½.

I KNEW I WAS READY TO MARRY. I HAD GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE AND HAD GOTTEN MY Masters. I KNEW IN MY HEART THAT VINCE WAS IT, AND IT WAS A GO. MY DAD SIGNED THE PAPER, AND THE STATE APPROVED MY MARRIAGE.

DURING THE PLANNING STAGES OF THE WEDDING, SADNESS STRUCK MY WORLD, WHEN I WAS NOTIFIED THAT MY GRANDMOTHER SUPPOSEDLY HAD SUFFERED A MASSIVE STROKE. VINCE AND I FLEW TO MICHIGAN TO SEE HER FOR A WEEK. ALTHOUGH SHE WAS PARALYZED ON THE RIGHT SIDE, SHE COULD STILL TALK. SHE WAS STILL THE GRANDMOTHER I KNEW, AND SHE ASSURED ME SHE WOULD BE HOME SOON. I LEFT TO GO BACK TO THE ISLAND WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT MY GRANDMA WAS STRONG. SHE HAD NEVER BEEN SICK. SHE WOULD BE OKAY. SHE TOLD ME TO CONTINUE MY PLANS FOR THE WEDDING, AND I DID.

SEVERAL DAYS LATER I GOT WORD THAT MY GRANDMOTHER HAD SUFFERED A STROKE BECAUSE SHE HAD FOUR INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMORS AND WAS BEING RELEASED HOME AGAIN. I ASKED VINCE IF WE COULD FLY HOME TO SEE HER, AND WE DID, FOR FOUR DAYS. ALTHOUGH SHE WAS WEAK, SHE WAS MY GRANDMA IN MY EYES. WE JOKED, WE TALKED, AND SHE GAVE ME STRENGTH BECAUSE I WAS SCARED. SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD BE FINE AND TOLD ME SHE WAS HAPPY I HAD FOUND VINCE TO SHARE MY LIFE. WE LOVED EACH OTHER DEEPLY, NOT JUST BECAUSE SHE WAS MY GRANDMOTHER, BUT ALSO BECAUSE SHE HAD GIVEN ME LIFE. I DREADED THAT THEY COULDN’T FIX HER, AND THAT I COULDN’T GIVE HER SOMETHING BACK. SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD BEAT IT, AND I BELIEVED HER. I FLEW HOME WITH A HEAVY HEART, YET WITH RENEWED HOPE THAT SHE WOULD.

FINALLY, AFTER MONTHS OF PREPARATIONS, DECORATIONS, CHURCH SELECTION AND MILITARY MEETINGS, OUR DAY HAD COME. MY GRANDMOTHER COULD NOT COME, BUT SHE HAD CALLED THAT MORNING, HAPPY FOR ME, AND WISHED ME WELL. SHE TOLD MY DAD SHE LOVED ME AND TO TELL ME TO BE HAPPY, AND THAT SHE WOULD SEE ME SOON. OFF WE WENT.

THEN MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER THAT JUNE DAY AS I WAS TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE. I GOT THIS HORRIBLE FEELING OF LOSS, MY HEART WAS SLOWING AND I FELT THE WORLD CAVING IN. I SAW VISIONS OF MY GRANDMOTHER AND KNEW THAT SHE HAD JUST LEFT ME. AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME MY WORLD STOOD STILL, AND IT WAS THE MOST SILENT IT HAD EVER BEEN.

WORD WAS RECEIVED THAT MY GRANDMA HAD DIED, MY SOURCE OF INSPIRATION, MY FRIEND AND MY LIFELONG CAREGIVER WAS GONE, AND HERE I WAS TO CELEBRATE WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE NEXT PHASE OF MY LIFE, BUT HOW COULD I NOW?

I REMEMBER STANDING IN THE VERY SMALL CHAPEL ON THE BASE OVERLOOKING THE WATER AND THE BEACH, ALONE IN THE ROOM AND CRYING. I WAS REACHING OUT FOR ANSWERS AND I FELT LOST, THE MOST ALONE I HAD EVER FELT. THEN IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS THERE IN THE ROOM WITH ME, SAYING TO PLEASE GET MARRIED, THAT VINCE WOULD FOREVER BE MY NEW CONFIDANTE, MY FRIEND AND MY SOURCE OF LOVE. THROUGH THE TEARS I TOLD VINCE WE WOULD DO THIS IN HONOR OF MY GRANDMOTHER, BUT THE GUESTS WOULD NOT BE TOLD TILL LATER

SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME WHERE I FOUND THE STRENGTH TO GO ON. IT WAS IN THAT ROOM, THE MOMENT I FELT HER LIFE PASS THAT SHE GAVE ME THE STRENGTH I NEEDED TO CONTINUE MY LIFE AND TO FIND THOSE BALANCES. SHE TAUGHT ME TO SHARE THE THINGS SHE HAD GIVEN TO ME

- TO INSPIRE THOSE AROUND ME THROUGH MY ACTIONS AND NOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING BACK, BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD NOT BE TRUE GIVING.

- THAT TRUE GIVING CAME FROM ONE’S HEART OPENLY AND FREELY, WITH NO STRINGS.

- THAT KINDNESS WENT MORE MILES THAN UGLINESS.

-THAT THOSE WHO HURT ME DID SO BECAUSE THEY THEMSELVES HAD NOT BEEN LOVED, OR THAT THEY DISLIKED THEIR LIVES.

-THAT NO MATTER WHAT, I WAS TO FIND GOOD IN EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.

-THAT GOD MADE A KIND AND LOVING WORLD AND THAT THOSE LEFT BEHIND WOULD HELP MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

-THAT I SHOULD STAND FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN, YET ALWAYS RESPECT OTHERS’ BELIEFS.

- TO LIVE MY LIFE BECAUSE I WAS SPECIAL IN MORE WAYS THAN I WOULD EVER KNOW.

I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THAT UNTIL LATER IN LIFE.

MY NEXT GRAND THING IN LIFE WAS THE BIRTH OF MY DAUGHTER ERRIN WHEN I WAS 22, AT THE HEIGHT OF MY NURSING CAREER. ERRIN WAS BORN IN AUGUST IN THE EARLY EVENING. VINCE HAD BEEN OVERSEAS THE ENTIRE TIME, AND HAD ARRIVED HOME THAT MORNING. I PICKED HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT, AND THAT AFTERNOON ERRIN MADE HER ENTRANCE. I REMEMBER ASKING THE NURSE NOT IF SHE HAD ALL THE USUAL THINGS LIKE TOES AND FINGERS, BUT IF SHE WAS CRYING. I COULDN’T HEAR MY DAUGHTER’S CRY. I HAD TO SEE HER CRY, AND THEN I KNEW EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.

VINCE RETURNED BACK OVERSEAS THREE WEEKS LATER, AND I HAD TO ADAPT TO LIFE WITH AN INFANT AND BEING DEAF

AFTER ERRIN’S BIRTH I STARTED SUFFERING MORE INTENSE SPINNING ATTACKS ON A WEEKLY BASIS. I WAS ADMITTED TO HOUSE EAR INSTITUTE IN LOS ANGELES, AND AFTER MANY TESTS THEY FOUND I SUFFERED FROM SEVERE BILATERAL MENIERE’S DISEASE WITH HYDROCEPHALUS. IT WAS DETERMINED THAT THE FLUID HAD EATEN AWAY MANY OF MY VITAL INNER EAR WORKINGS AND ANY HOPE OF REGAINING MY HEARING WAS LOST. AS A MATTER OF FACT THEY TOLD ME I WOULD BE PROFOUNDLY DEAF VERY SOON, AND TO PREPARE FOR THAT. THEY ALSO TOLD ME THAT MY HEARING AIDS WOULD NO LONGER BE OF ANY USE TO ME.

I BEGAN SEARCHING FOR A NEW CAREER, AS MY NURSING WOULD CERTAINLY TAKE A HIT FROM THIS. I DECIDED THAT I WOULD LOVE TO WORK WITH SENIOR CITIZENS, AND OBTAINED MY NURSING HOME LICENSE

I BEGAN WORKING AT A LOCAL NURSING HOME IN CORONA, CA., NEAR WHERE WE LIVED. ERRIN WAS NOW FOUR, AND ATTENDED PRESCHOOL. ALTHOUGH I SUFFERED WEEKLY SPINNING ATTACKS I WAS DETERMINED TO KEEP WORKING. I LOVED MY NEW JOB, AND SOON TOOK ON SIX MORE HOMES. MY GREATEST REWARD WAS SITTING WITH THESE RESIDENTS AND LISTENING TO THEIR HISTORY. MANY OF THEM WERE DOCTORS, TEACHERS, PIONEERS, ENGINEERS, MILITARY AND WIVES.

I SPENT MANY HOURS GETTING TO KNOW EACH PERSON INDIVIDUALLY AND THEIR FAMILIES. MY HEARING LOSS DIDN’T MATTER TO THEM, AND I WAS ACCEPTED INTO THEIR WORLD — THE RESULT OF MY CARING AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVING SUPPORT OF THEM. I WAS THRIVING AND ENJOYING LIFE.

BEING DEAF HAD NOT STOPPED ME FROM BEING WHO I WAS OR DOING WHAT I KNEW HOW TO DO BEST, AND THAT WAS TO LISTEN AND RESPECT THOSE AROUND ME, AND LISTEN WITH THE GIFTED SENSE I HAD GAINED FROM MY SILENT WORLD.

SOON MY MENIERE’S HAD TAKEN OVER, AND I WAS SUFFERING FROM DAILY ATTACKS. AT AGE 25 I WAS PROFOUNDLY DEAF, AND COULDN’T DO SOME OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE NURSING HOME. ONCE AGAIN I FOUND MYSELF SEEKING A NEW CAREER

I HAD ALWAYS BEEN INTRIGUED BY SCIENCE, FORENSICS AND BIOMEDICAL RESEARCH. I DECIDED TO RETURN TO SCHOOL AND EARN MY Masters DEGREE IN FORENSIC SCIENCE. I WAS ABLE TO CHALLENGE MANY OF THE COURSES, AND WITHIN A YEAR I HAD GRADUATED WITH MY DEGREE.

I CONTINUED TO WORK AT THE NURSING HOME FOR A BIT LONGER, BUT PART TIME. I ALSO STARTED WORKING AT A CHILDREN’S REHAB CENTER IN ORANGE COUNTY NAMED HEALTH BRIDGES. THESE WERE KIDS WHO HAD BEEN PLACED THERE BECAUSE THEIR FAMILIES COULDN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM. I REALIZED THAT MY HEARING WAS MUCH WORSE THAT I REALIZED, AND DECIDED TO TAKE A JOB AT A NURSING HOME AS A NURSING AIDE, AND FORGO BEING A NURSE AFTER ALL. IT WAS MY ABILITY TO CARE FOR THEM AND DO THINGS THAT I CARED ABOUT, NOT PAPERWORK AND PILL PUSHING. I WAS THE HAPPIEST I HAD BEEN IN A WHILE WITH THIS PART TIME JOB AND MY DAYS CARING FOR THE KIDS AT HEALTH BRIDGE.

IN 1995 VINCE GOT A CALL FROM A LOCAL FORENSIC COMPANY. THEY HAD REVIEWED MY APPLICATION AND WERE IMPRESSED. THEY WANTED TO MEET ME! I WAS ECSTATIC. FINALLY I COULD USE MY SKILL THAT I HAD OBTAINED SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE.

AT THE INTERVIEW I EXPLAINED THAT I WAS DEAF AND I NEEDED TO READ LIPS. I TOLD THEM I MIGHT NEED SOME ASSISTIVE DEVICES TO COMPLETE MY WORK. THEY WERE STUNNED TO LEARN THAT I HAD BEEN HEARING IMPAIRED MY WHOLE LIFE. THEY WERE IMPRESSED WITH MY EDUCATION AND DEGREES, BUT MOSTLY WITH THE FACT THAT I HADN’T LET A DISABILITY STOP ME FROM ACHIEVING SO MUCH IN A SHORT TIME. I TOLD THEM I WAS BEGINNING ANOTHER CHAPTER, AND WAS FULLY READY TO MEET IT HEAD ON

A WEEK LATER VINCE GOT THE CALL. I WAS HIRED! ONCE AGAIN MY GRANDMOTHER’S LOVING LESSONS TO NOT LET ANYTHING STOP ME, TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF, AND THAT NO MATTER WHAT, NEVER TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER WHEN I KNEW I COULD DO SOMETHING HAD PROVEN TRUE. I WAS BEGINNING A NEW CAREER — A NEW LIFE SO TO SPEAK — AND A NEW CHALLENGE. I WAS BOTH SCARED AND ELATED. HOW WOULD I BE ACCEPTED? HOW WOULD THEY LIKE ME? MOST IMPORTANTLY, WAS I GOOD ENOUGH TO DO THIS JOB?

IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG TO REALIZE THAT I WAS GOING TO BE ACCEPTED AND PROTECTED BY THE OFFICERS THAT I WORKED WITH. I WAS OFTEN PAGED FOR HIGH PROFILE CASES BECAUSE THEY LIKED MY WORK ETHIC. I HAD GAINED THEIR CONFIDENCE, AND BEST OF ALL, THEY DIDN’T SEE ME AS BEING DEAF. THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE ACCEPTING MY QUIET, SHY SPEECH.

LIFE WAS GOOD. VINCE AND I WERE HAPPY AND OUR DAUGHTER WAS THRIVING. I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD. I TALKED DAILY TO MY LATE GRANDMOTHER. SHE WAS MY INSPIRATION, AND GOD WAS MY SUPPORT. MY FAITH HAD CARRIED ME THROUGH SO MANY THINGS. LIFE COULDN’T HAVE BEEN ANY BETTER

I REMEMBER BEING IN MY MOST PERFECT PLACE IN LIFE WHEN I WENT TO BED THE NIGHT OF DECEMBER 12, 2000. AFTER A FORENSIC CALL THAT HAD LASTED ABOUT FOUR HOURS I LAID DOWN TO SLEEP A BIT BEFORE THE PAGER WENT OFF, NOT KNOWING MY LIFE WOULD FOREVER CHANGE AGAIN.

I FELT THE PAGER VIBRATION, IT WOKE ME, BUT I COULDN’T MOVE TO TURN IT OFF. I WAS IN A HORRIBLE MENIERE’S ATTACK, OR SO I THOUGHT. I KEPT TRYING TO GET UP. NOTHING HAPPENED. I COULDN’T YELL, I COULDN’T MOVE. I WAS AWAKE, BUT I WASN’T SURE THAT I WAS AWAKE. I FELT THE PAGER FINALLY, AND AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY I WAS ABLE TO GET MY HUSBAND’S ATTENTION. HE WOKE, AND I KEPT POINTING TO MYSELF LIKE “HEY, LOOK AT ME, I NEED HELP! WHAT’S THE MATTER HERE?” HE FINALLY REALIZED SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND CALLED 911.

I HAD SUFFERED A STROKE, AND AS I LAY THERE STARING AT THE CEILING I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, HOW COULD THIS BE? I WAS ONLY 40, IN THE PRIME OF MY LIFE AND HEALTHY. I WORKED THREE JOBS AND WAS ACTIVE IN SPORTS. WHAT WAS MOST FRUSTRATING IS THAT I FOUND MYSELF PLUNGED INTO A WORLD OF NO COMMUNICATION. THEY DIDN’T UNDERSTAND ME AND I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THEM. MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT HAD COLLAPSED.

I UNDERWENT REHABILITATION, AND GAINED SOME STRENGTH BACK, MOSTLY IN MY UPPER RIGHT ARM AND HAND. I NEVER GOT MY RIGHT LEG BACK. I NOW WORE A CLUNKY LEG BRACE FROM FOOT TO GROIN. HOW COULD I RETURN TO WORK? AS I SOON LEARNED, I NEVER WOULD.

I THOUGHT LIFE COULDN’T HAVE THROWN ME ANY MORE OBSTACLES. AS I STRUGGLED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE AND GET MY VOICE BACK AND TO ADAPT TO MY NEW LIFE I FOUND MYSELF DEPRESSED, RECLUSIVE AND LOSING MY FAITH.

I THEN LEARNED I HAD A SPOT ON MY RIGHT KIDNEY, AND WAS DIAGNOSED WITH KIDNEY CANCER. THIS WAS JUST SIX MONTHS AFTER MY STROKE. I BEGAN A COURSE OF RADIATION AND CHEMOTHERAPY. THAT SEEMED TO STOP THE CANCER, AND NOW AGAIN I PONDERED MY LIFE. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO, AND HOW WAS I GOING TO DO IT?

IT WAS THEN AT A LONELY MOMENT ONE NIGHT THAT I REALIZED I HAD TO DIG DEEPER THAN I HAD EVER BEFORE TO OVERCOME THE LIFE CHALLENGES THAT HAD BEEN THROWN AT ME. OH, HOW I YEARNED TO HEAR MUSIC, TO HEAR A BIRD SING, OR JUST A KIND VOICE SAY THEY UNDERSTOOD. IT WAS THROUGH THIS SILENT WORLD THAT I STRUGGLED WITH MY ILLNESSES AND WONDERED HOW I COULD PULL IT OFF. HOW COULD I BE THE PERSON MY GRANDMOTHER HAD ALWAYS KNOWN I WAS FROM THE MOMENT ONE EARLY MORNING SUNRISE THAT I CRIED BUT COULDN’T HEAR MY OWN CRY? I JUST FELT THE WARM TEARS AND THE LONELINESS OF MY SILENT WORLD AS I SAT IN MY WHEELCHAIR, LOOKING AT THE WORLD GO BY.

I FINALLY PULLED MY SHOE STRINGS TOGETHER AND BUCKLED DOWN AND FOUND THAT FAITH AND TRIED TO GAIN MY BALANCE THROUGH BOOKS AND RESEARCHING THE POSSIBILITY OF A SERVICE DOG. AAAHHHH, I FOUND MY NEW COMPANION IN LIFE AT THE SPCA, AND WAS AWARDED A DOG A YEAR LATER IN 2001. DAISY AND I HIT IT OFF. WE WERE MADE FOR ONE ANOTHER, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME I FELT SOME SENSE OF INDEPENDENCE. I SLOWLY BEGAN TO OVERCOME MY DEPRESSION AND DAISY BECAME MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

I WISH I COULD SAY THAT MY WORLD WAS THEN PERFECT, BUT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE. I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH KIDNEY CANCER AND THE RETURN OF MY LEUKEMIA. I HAVE LIVED IN A WHIRLWIND FROM THAT TIME UNTIL NOW, AND HAVE ENDURED COUNTLESS HOSPITALIZATIONS THAT HAVE INVOLVED MULTIPLE ISSUES, INCLUDING THE LOSS OF MY KIDNEY, A REVOLUTIONARY UMBILICAL CORD TRANSPLANT — TWICE — THE LOSS OF SIGHT IN MY RIGHT EYE FROM ANOTHER STROKE, A HEART SHUNT PLACEMENT, AND MOST RECENTLY CANCER OF THE BLADDER, AND ONGOING CANCER OF THE LIVER, AS WELL AS LEUKEMIA.

MANY PEOPLE WOULD ASK ME WHERE I FIND THE COURAGE TO GO ON. THAT CAN BE ANSWERED WHEN I FOUND THE SAYWHATCLUB ONE LONELY NIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD NOT GO ON. I WAS PLACED ON THE VISTAS LIST, AND BEGAN A LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP WITH THESE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE. LIKE THEM, I WAS SEEKING A PLACE OF UNDERSTANDING AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. MOST OF ALL, THOUGH, I NOW HAD A PLACE TO CALL HOME, HAD NEW FRIENDS THAT DIDN’T SEE MY DISABILITIES, BUT SAW MY WORDS, ME, SPOKEN THROUGH MY WORDS, AND WHAT I REALLY WAS…. WHEN I LOST MY VISION I COULDN’T SEE MY TREO ANY MORE TO TYPE, AND RELIED UPON TOUCH TYPING AND FEELINGS OF PLACEMENT ON THE LITTLE SCREEN TO CONVEY MY MESSAGES TO MY FRIENDS. I CAN ONLY READ MESSAGES WRITTEN IN CAPITAL LETTERS, BECAUSE THE PRINT IS SO SMALL ON MY TREO SCREEN

ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT VISTAS IS THAT YOU BEGIN TO BOND WITH PEOPLE — NOT JUST THROUGH THEIR WORDS ON THE SITE, BUT BY GETTING THE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET THEM IN PERSON.

GLADYS RUSSELL AND I HAD BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS, AND THROUGH THAT FRIENDSHIP SHE BEGAN MAKING PLANS FOR A GATHERING OF FRIENDS IN SAN DIEGO BECAUSE I AM UNABLE TO FLY AND TOO UNSTABLE TO DRIVE TOO FAR FROM HOME.

A GREAT GROUP OF PEOPLE MET FOR FOUR DAYS IN DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO THERE WAS SCOTT, JULIE, LINDA BINNS, MY HUSBAND VINCE AND GLADYS.

WE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME TOURING THE ATTRACTIONS AND GOING TO CORONADO ISLAND AND OLD TOWN SAN DIEGO AND SEAPORT VILLAGE.

IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME I COULD REMEMBER. I CAME HOME RENEWED ABOUT MEETING MY FRIENDS AND PUTTING FACES TO NAMES. WE MADE A PROMISE FOR ANOTHER GATHERING SOON.

THE NEXT GATHERING WAS IN PALM SPRINGS. I FELT HONORED TO MEET PATSI, MALISA, MAURICE AND JO ALONG WITH SEEING SCOTT AND GLADYS AGAIN. LINDA BINNS WAS SUPPOSED TO COME, BUT GOT STUCK IN A CRUISE SHIP ON THE OCEAN IN A STORM.

THIS TIME AROUND WE DECIDED TO MAKE IT MORE OF A SOCIAL GATHERING, MORE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER. WE DID SOME SIGHT SEEING AND VISITED AN ART MUSEUM, WENT TO A COUPLE OF VERY NICE RESTAURANTS, AND DROVE THE STRIP OF PALM SPRINGS. AGAIN AS THE TIME NEARED THE END WE ALL FELT THE SAME. WE WERE HAPPY TO HAVE MET. PATSI, WHAT AN HONOR THAT WAS, ALL THE WAY FROM SOUTH AFRICA! I RENEWED MY FRIENDSHIPS WITH THOSE I HAD MET, AND GOT TO KNOW MAURICE AND JO. WHAT WONDERFUL WOMEN. MALISA TAUGHT US SEVERAL THINGS. SCOTT WAS HIS USUAL JOVIAL SELF. A GREAT WEEK OF MEMORIES.

NOW AS I SIT AND WRITE THIS I HOPE AND YEARN AND I HAVE FAITH THAT I WILL ONCE AGAIN MEET MORE AND WILL MEET THOSE I HAVE ALREADY MET AGAIN. IT IS IN THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDSHIP THAT ALL MY ILLNESS, DISABILITIES AND DEAFNESS DON’T EXIST — JUST MY FRIENDSHIP AND HONEST BEING OF WHO I AM.

I BELIEVE FRIENDSHIP IS NOT MARKED BY HOW MANY FRIENDS YOU HAVE BUT BY THE MEANINGFUL FRIENDSHIPS IN WHICH YOU HAVE THEM. FRIENDS, LIKE FAMILY, ARE FOREVER.

THIS IS THE PERSON WHO IS BEHIND THE WORDS OF THE TREO AS I HAVE PORTRAYED THEM IN THE PAGES BEFORE YOU. IT IS WITH THE SUPPORT OF MY HUSBAND, MY DAUGHTER, MY SERVICE DOG DAISY, YOU ALL AND THE ONGOING SPIRIT OF MY GRANDMOTHER THAT I AM WHO I AM AND WHAT I HAVE BECOME.

MANY PEOPLE TELL ME I AM SPECIAL. THAT MIGHT WELL BE. I SEE MYSELF AS A PERSON TRYING TO LIVE LIFE TO SEE THE NEXT SUNRISE, TO WATCH FOR THE FLOWERS TO BLOOM, TO THANK THOSE AROUND ME FOR ALWAYS BEING HERE FOR ME, AND TO CONTINUE TO FIGHT SOMETHING THAT I WON’T ALLOW TO TAKE ME. IT IS IN MY SILENT WORLD THAT I SPENT MOST OF MY TIME FEELING AND SEEING WITH MY HEART AND EYES EVEN THOUGH I MIGHT HAVE BAD DAYS, THAT IS OKAY, BECAUSE I AM HERE, AND LIFE REALLY IS GOOD. I AM BLESSED ABUNDANTLY WITH MANY THINGS THAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED.

WHEN YOU READ MY STORY PLEASE DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH, AND I KNOW THAT I WILL LEARN MORE. I HAVE MET SOME OF YOU, AND WISH TO MEET MORE. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE TERMINAL ILLNESS DOES NOT MEAN I CAN’T HOPE FOR A TOMORROW. IT IS ALL I HOPE FOR.

I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT IT IS NOT HOW MUCH I HAVE IN MY LIFE, BUT WHAT I HAVE DONE WITH MY LIFE, HOW I CHOOSE TO LIVE IT, AND WITH WHOM I CHOOSE TO SHARE IT THAT IS IMPORTANT. AND SO IT IS MY FRIEND THAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO SHARE MY LIFE, THE HEART AND WORDS BEHIND THE TREO, SO YOU KNOW WHO THE PERSON IS AND KNOW THAT LIKE YOU, I WANT TO BE SEEN AND ACCEPTED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, AND THAT DEAFNESS AND ILLNESS HAS NOT RULED MY LIFE, BUT HAS DEFINED ME AS THE PERSON I AM.

IN CLOSING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY WE ARE GIVEN BUT ONE LIFE AND MUST TAKE WHAT WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN, THE CHALLENGES THAT FALL BEFORE US, AND GRAB THE ESSENCE OF THEM FOR OUR CHAPTERS IN LIFE. WE BECOME WHO WE ARE BY THAT MOMENT WHEN WE DECIDE TO DO SO.

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