Shawn Lovley
Copyright 2000
Well, it's that time again. I've switched to long sleeve shirts and sweaters. Winter is rearing its nasty head once more, which means we're getting close to Christmas. So I guess it's time for me to put together a holiday wish list.
I'm lucky that I have two great families--My birth family and my in-laws--and am married to a truly incredible woman. They all spoil me rotten, especially when it comes to material things. In fact, I wouldnt even want to try to count all the wonderful "stuff" they've given me over the years. But I don't want "stuff" from them this Christmas. What I want is their time.
Why time? Well, soon after I lost my hearing, I learned about the Association of Late-Deafened Adults (ALDA), and in short order, I became very involved with the group. Heck, I even served as the group's secretary for a year. I also developed a particular love for an expression I learned from ALDA co-founder Bill Graham: "I'm deaf, not dead."
Boy, that describes me perfectly. While my ears don't work anymore (although they are pretty good at holding up my glasses), I'm not dead by a long shot. To cite just one example, I still care deeply about what's happening with my loved ones, and I want to "hear" from them about it. I usually don't, though, because most of them don't want to take the time needed to tell me. So, I get it second- or third-hand. There may not be a lot I can do about things that affect my loved ones now (I don't know if I ever really could), but I want to talk about it with them. But that usually doesn't happen.
I realize it's difficult for most people to slow down long enough to have a real conversation with a late-deafened person. I also understand that time can be a premium in our modern world, and I often joke with people that it would be great if we didn't have to "waste" time on time-consuming things like eating and sleeping. But we humans need them. And we late-deafened people need others to take the time necessary to have real conversations with us, whether it's accomplished by sign language, speechreading, or note-writing. After all, we're "deaf not dead." So while time can't be found in any store or catalogue, it's definitely at the top of my Christmas wish list.
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