And a helpful member of the SWC wrote in response, "Bob, you should have announced which Joanie, you should make it clear you were informing us about Joan Emerick."

Which was helpful of course. But it never occurred to me, because we all knew her as Joanie.

We have several wonderful SWCers named Joan in the SWC, that is true. But Joanie was with us from the beginning, that she was. It would be like making sure when we speak of Lincoln, we indicate we mean Abraham Lincoln.

Joanie, what can we say to portray the essence of Joanie? What can we relate to convey the way she faced her short life with so much courage, humor, and determination?

Some SWCers were startled by her bluntness. Others with her raunchy jokes. But all of us were touched by her determination to overcome loneliness and despair. And we respected the way she ALWAYS had the guts to speak her mind.

Her e-mail addy JME1995 I never asked her about for some reason, but the way she felt about the SayWhatClub, which she joined and made a significant part of her life in 1995 makes me wonder if that had something to do with it.

I had written a piece for a newsletter that year and Joanie wrote a response that I keep next to my computer, because at times when I face despair and doubts about myself and life, I find her message to the SWC inspiring. What she wrote to all of us helps deal with frustration, disappointment and hard knocks.

So today in our recalling Joanie, I share with you this message by Joanie, written upon her finding a home in the SayWhatClub:

I just finished reading BOBDEAFIE'S article, and I am moved to tears.

What he says in the article, hits home.

My counselor has been noticing a change in me since I went online and joined
this group. It has been a POSITIVE change and something we have been working
on a long time. He is puzzled why I have this change in me since I have been
only a member for two months and he has worked with me for three years.

It is all simple and Bob in his article, told me why.

For years, I have been an outsider, and outcast. People talk around me or
just don't talk to me anymore. It is NEVERMIND. I have felt like a burden
to my family and friends. Many times I have wished to end my life.

It seems when I became deaf, I lost more than just my hearing. I thought
people did not want to talk to me because I now have facial paralysis due to
the brain surgeries. I mean I go to the store, and sometimes kids point at
me or people look away from me.

Walking is another problem. Sometimes it looks like I am drunk. And I don't
drink, not anymore.

My years at Gallaudet University, the world's only university for the Deaf,
were nothing short of a nightmare. So many times I was told by the born
deafies to leave THEIR school. They ridiculed my signing, or lack of it.
Not all born deafies are like this, but when I tried to socialize with them,
it seems I was to feel guilty for growing up hearing or that I have a
hearing knowledge of the hearing world.

I have been made to feel guilty for not trying hard enough. According to my
mother the only reason I can't lip read her is because I am not trying hard
enough or I am doing it on purpose to annoy her and make HER work to write to
me.

I am not one of these people who have the gift of letting something go in one
ear and out the other. I guess in our situation, it would be in one eyeball
and out the other.

Bob's article taught me something. There is NOTHING wrong with me. I am
doing my best. I see by other people's posting, they are encountering the
same things I am. I am not ALONE. There is Alan in Washington, Alan in
Texas, Trish in Kentucky, Shawn in DC and many more wonderful people.
All of these people and others in this club have EMPOWERED me.

That is the fancy term for saying giving the person guts to move on and be
themselves.

I just want to thank you all so much form the bottom of my heart. I don't
know if any of you realize this, yes, this is getting mushy, but you have all
SAVED me.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Joanie

--- Bob Elkins